Recently, for months now actually, I have felt quite pensive in a quiet space in my head.

A big overarching theme has been living authentically and yesterday I was recalling the feeling of what it was like to be creative when I was a child.

I actually remember vividly the feeling of stillness and freedom when I used to cut out coloured paper, draw pictures, paint, glue, sculpt.

Completely without any expectation or self criticism.

My aim is to reach back for that experience, to give space to that kid who knew how to be an artist with abandon. It’s not an easy task as I’m sure many of you know.

It’s not that I am super hard on my self, or highly self critical or throw my work against the wall in a disappointed rage (hahaha! Haven’t done that yet LOL!)

But I think you get it don’t you?

As adults, many of us in middle age, after having raised children and focused on family and home and careers and putting out fires etc etc, we’re not exactly in a peaceful, blissful creative space are we?

I know this from firstly my own internal thought processes while I create but also from comments I hear in my workshops where so many students point out how they’re “not very good” or that they “make lots of mistakes” or they say “Don’t look too closely at my work!”

We have a chuckle and I jokingly scold them for being so self critical but hey, I get it! I’m the same!

Where is my childlike creative abandon?

That’s my daughter Isabelle aged around 4. She used to always wear that purple hat because she said that it was her “artist hat” and she needed to wear it when she was painting. She is now 21 studying fine arts and has an art award for portraiture under her belt. I think it’s because she is still that kid in the photo.

I’m not asking to live like a four year old who has zero responsibilities. I’m asking to live like a four year old who knows how to tap into a pure creative energy and create without any burdens.

You might say that my work is lovely and that what I create is authentic and unique and yes, I DO like what I make, it makes my heart sing on most days. Obviously one would assume that I must be able to tap into that create childlike energy, right?

Wrong.

It is sooo rare for me to draw or paint or embroider from the same space as when I was little.

I don’t care for knowing “why” it is like it is, it’s probably obvious; life responsibilities, familial and societal upbringing etc etc.

I only want to know “how” to get back there.

Being in that creative space of no self judgement, of a stillness and no expectation is of course directly tied to living authentically. Which is exactly how children live.

Maybe I should get back to cutting paper and building things from cardboard.

That was my absolutely favourite activity.

How about you?

Do you remember what you loved doing as a child and do you remember that feeling of freedom? Is that freedom difficult to retrieve especially when being creative?

I’d love to know.